The vinyl cushioned toilet seat is about as rare in stores these days as plastic slip covers for your floral print sofa. But all that is about to change. Major players in the toilet seat industry met in a top-secret consortium in Finland last week. We would tell you what it is called but then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. No one can be entirely sure what was decided there, but a survey of toilet seat wholesalers and retailers is showing a number of refreshed toilet designs for the new millennia. A leaked memo from the conference indicated that the new generation of toilet seats will be wifi compatible.

Forget Jazzercise, Tae Bo, Pilates, Hot Yoga, Hawaii Chair, Boot Camp, P90X, 8 Minute Abs, NordicTrac, Tony Little’s Gazelle, Aqua Zumba, Extreme Scrabble, Suzanne Somers Thighmaster, Spinning, Speed Walking, or any of the other fitness crazes of recent times. Since the legwarmers are already retro (NBA guys are wearing them on their arms these days), we know for certain that good old, plain Eighties-Style Aerobics will be retro.

As homeowners everywhere seek to outdo the Jones’s with their “green-ness”, the haughty days when the Stainless Steel appliances reigned supreme are nearing an end. While Energy-Star stickers have placated many windmill based hybrid car owners’ kitchen and basement appliance owners until now, the time has come to take the battle to the next level. Along with a possible return of homemade jumpers for women, avocado colored appliances are due to make a huge comeback.

2010 will likely see a spike in vaginal intercourse, according to industry insiders. this promises to be a sharp departure from 2008 and 2009, years dominated by anal sex among straights and queers alike. as asshole intercourse recedes in popularity, science tells us that more women are at risk of unwanted pregnancy, seen by many as a regretful yet warranted side effect of being trendy. vaginal is the new anal. vaginas will be retro.

Devil stick manipulation is a form of gyroscopic juggling, or equilibristics and is generally considered to be one of the top ‘circus arts’. The oft called “devil-sticking” will be retro. Will Be Retro can’t wait.

This guy uses a head band to keep floppy hair out of devil stick way

It was never environmentally friendly, it was just cool to chuck cups, cans, rubbers, bottles, etc out your window, burning down the road. You also wanted to keep a clean car. This practice has let up quite a bit since on today’s earth too many folks are going green. This trend is unlikely to reverse, throwing trash out the window will be retro

We aint talking about the potted meat product. No, we mean good old fashioned Make Your Peniz Grow As Large As Giant Tomatoes So You Dont Get Jealous When Nikki P0rks A Farm Horse type emails. Since spammers are a lazy lot, and new anti-spam technology is being released almost every day, at some point, you are going to miss getting it, and then and only then, will spam be retro.

The home row. a thing of legend, lore and mystery. purportedly invented by a progressive assembly of 2nd grade teachers, the home row has recently fallen prey to the slop and filth of our uneducated masses. among the survey’s e-mail writers, misplaced i’s, c’s for v’s are tolerated to an increasingly alarming rate. local cops are on the scene, dictionaries in hand. ASDF[GH]JKL;SPACE , shit’s weak.

Far and away the most retro of the retro fishing types, salt water fly fishing. Never heard of it? Well, your not likely going to hear about in the future. Going the way of the extinct northeastern black sun lizards, salt water fly fishing will be retro

Everyday more and more people are finding talking to be useless. Talking is getting replaced by AOL chat rooms, sexting, winking and the useless twitter. The concept of vocal communication directly with another person is on its way out, talking will be retro